i find this absolutely fascinating.
1.) before i begin, i need you to watch this video. it is not work friendly. go ahead and fire it up, i'll wait. more than likely, after you see it, you'll probably want to see it again.

so. let's analyze this.

someone, somewhere, spent a lot of time and money recording this big fat queen singing about how he's trying so hard not to be gay, so that god will love him. my #2 most favorite thing about the video is all the double entendre in the lyrics: to enter heaven, there's no back door. . .righteous man, get on your knees, etc. my #1 most favorite thing about the video are the shots where donnie is IN THE STUDIO and he's LAYING DOWN SOME TRACKS and the poor bastard at the mixing board is just trying to look as uninvolved with this trainwreck as he can possibly be.

i will pay no attention to the guy in the pink shirt and white pants prancing around my control room. there is no WAY that this dude has never had a penis in his mouth. i mean, look at those shoes. there's no way this dude is into pussy.

as hateful as the subject material is, you have to admit that it's a catchy ass song. i caught myself singing it in the car today. (snapping fingers) "goooooood hates faa-haa-haags. . .yes he does. . . goooooood hates fags. . . if you're a fag, he hates you, too."

2.) hey baltimore: if you don't want me to support the chain restaurants, don't put one across the street from my front door. i'm sorry, i mean i want to support the little guys, but we're talking about five dollar burritos. and they're delicious. i mean, if i wanted to support the local burrito place, then i have to drive there, and then i'm ruining the enviroment with my fossil-fuel-burning car. i can't fucking win. I JUST WANT DINNER. FUCK.

3.) today, i went to a training seminar in towson with a hangover and a bad case of the beer shits. it was extremely hot in the room and the speakers were incredibly boring and it was excruciating and i was trapped in a room with people who have been doing my job much longer than i have, asking ridiculous questions and drawing things out a lot longer than necessary. had to call bullshit on my regional market executive who wanted to start having weekly conference calls from 4PM-5PM on wednesdays. when she announced this, my hand shot up.

"um. . . yes. the guy in the back that's been trying not to fall asleep all day. you had a question?"

"yes. why do you want us to call in during the busiest time of the day? i can't speak for everyone here, but i'm the only banker in my branch. if i call you from 4PM to 5PM, that means there will be clients sitting out in the lobby for an hour, which i'm pretty sure is going to affect our customer satisfaction score."

"mr. . . grey? you're in baltimore city, aren't you?"

"yes, ma'am."

"have you been drinking? i can smell you from here."

"not today, ma'am. that was last night."

"ok." turning to the rest of the room, "he makes an excellent point. should we have the call at 3PM instead?" the room mumbled some sort of agreement, and it was settled.

4.) fightscrime said the funniest thing i have heard in months. we were talking about what people did before the internet and blogging. i said that it's awesome that technology allows us to get all up in each other's business. she said:

i know, our forefathers never had these opportunities. they had to ride through the country on horseback, yelling about their feelings.

this lead into a long winded exchange about what people did back in the old days. see her blog for the full transcript. it was quite funny.

5.) i'm going to frazier's to get drunk tonight because i don't have to work until 11:30 tomorrow.